I grew up with a close knit family with many aunts, uncles and cousins that felt like extra parents and siblings most of the of time. And it was good. :)
My mom's side of the family was the larger side and there were 15 of us grandchildren born within 10 years. That was a lot of kiddos running around, but fortunately we had lots of grownups there to keep a watchful eye.
Of course, we grew up in the 60's and 70's so there was a lot less watching back then I suppose. Which was also good. Our parents trusted us and the world around us to be fairly safe. Our parents were all very close and you could tell they had a good time hanging out together, maybe more than us kids from time to time.
When I was older, I heard them share stories about how they would seek each other out, especially when we were very little, because they needed each others' company or had to get away or had to get the kids somewhere, anywhere!, but around their own house and yard. It was a little bit mind-blowing. Alas, as a small child you just figure the world revolves around you and all these adults working at entertaining you was because they loved you so very much (you mean, it wasn't all fun and games for you to set up all the fun and games for us?!? Perish the thought! ;). And that (the whole because they love you thing) is true. But it's also true that sometimes you just want to have some quiet time or even just ship your kids off and hope the Gypsies will take them--they wouldn't even have to pay!
I understood that last bit just from years of babysitting. I knew just enough to know that a kid could drive you crazy. But everything is different when it's your own kid and there's no paycheck and there's really no break. Ever.
So once I had a child I started to better understand how strong the need to get away from said child can be. And how even, at times, you just want to stuff the child in the microwave or throw them out the window and see if they like sleeping in the snow better or just...anything. No, no, calm down. No child abuse here. If you don't have kids and find the above offensive, you just don't understand this particular club. And if you do have kids and find the above offensive...get real and be honest with yourself: you had at least one "bad" minute in your parenting experience. Or, at the very least, you will.
With my early parenting experience, I now better understood why my mom and aunts (alas, back then there weren't a lot of dads at home to go off to what we would today call a "playdate") sought each other out. Help with the crazy kids when you nearly left them in the grocery store because You.Were.Done. No problem. Got it.
But there was just something different about the way my mom and aunts talked about it. How they needed each others' company. And it wasn't just to be social or have grown-up-time or some-such. There was something different about how they spoke about it. I couldn't put my finger on it and didn't quite grasp it.
Until, perhaps, the past year or so. When my circle of "new mom friends" became more than a group to share questions about newborn care. When it became more than a place to regroup and save our child from the Gypsies. When it evolved to be even more than a place to share and gripe and vent about anything in our lives.
We became this tribe of women, of mothers, who were there for each other. Sure, for all of the above things and more, but now, it was something deeper. We still enjoy all the things we enjoyed together before and it has kept us sane (on most days) and our children alive (two years and counting here!) but it has grown so much deeper into a true community, a circle of support, a fierce tribe of mothers willing to do anything for any of us. It is so much more than just being a respite from our wonderful children, to needing to be with each other (via text or social networking or on the phone or in person) for our own sake's.
My explanation still does not do it justice. It doesn't explain the losses we have endured together. The pains and hurts we have shared in all manner of our relationships. The desperate texts for a last minute babysitter or just a helping hand with a purchase at a store. The joy of welcoming new babies into our brood (just another this past week! Squeeeee!). We are now a fierce sisterhood. And one that is as varied as any group of sisters! Each with different personalities, different parenting styles, different ways of relating, different schedules, different careers and different life goals. Yet, we are one.
I might yet lack the words to truly describe what it is we have, but at least I finally understand that look in my aunt's eye as she described something similar, the smile on another aunt's face as she remembered, the giggle from another aunt as she traveled back in time to those likely-crazy days and knowing nodding from my own mother. To think of them having such bonds as I now have with my "new" mom's group brings tears of joys to my eyes...and raucous laughter to my lips because, ohmygosh, if they have shared even a tenth of the things we've shared in our little group? Ohhhh myyyy.... ;)
So thank you, Dear Tribe, for helping me keep my little one alive and well for these past two years, for encouraging me as our family considers the option of growing, and for just plain keeping me sane and happy for so long. Happy Mother's Day to all of you, to my own familial tribe who came before me, and to all the mothers out there. I hope, wish and pray that you each are blessed with a tribe that fills your life as perfectly as mine does for me.
(And want to read more about my amazing tribe and a beautiful tale on just how wonderful it is to be a Mommy? Here's another one of our tribe's online voices: http://www.amywadesondesign.com/to-my-village/. And for another one of our voices that details the joys, and trials, of the initiation into motherhood go visit: http://karissabinkley.blogspot.com/2013/05/mothers-day.html. We're a chatty little bunch, aren't we? ;)
Happy Mother's Day (a few days early)!!!
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