Boys have a penis and girls have a vagina

If the above title offends you or makes you feel uncomfortable at all, just skip this entire post, okay?  I'm about to get all up in that junk.

We teach Sweet Pea anatomical names for her various parts.  Yup, you heard me.  We use words like elbows, abdomen and even tibia.  Lawwwdy, we liberals are cray-cray, eh?

And yes, we also talk about genitals in that fashion.  For her, it's mostly been vulva so far.  That's the exterior she knows more about and can help her say if it hurts, if we need to put "gentle cream" on it for a rash/irritation, etc.

Over the past few months, she has become much more intrigued with Daddy's parts being different.  We have explained that, yes, Daddy has a penis.  Penis, it turns out, is a pretty awesome word to say.  Over and over and over again.  It has been an adventure.  ;)

She will sometimes ask Mousketeer Roll Call fashion who has a penis.  Mommy penis?  No, Mommy doesn't have a penis.  Sweet Pea penis?  No, Sweet Pea doesn't have a penis?  Mom Mom penis?  No, Mom Mom doesn't have a penis.  Daddy penis?  Yes, Daddy has a penis.

Occasionally tacked onto that is a response from us about boys and girls.  Such as "Daddy has a penis because he is a boy" or "No, Mommy is a girl so she doesn't have a penis.  She has a vulva and a vagina."  (Also, it turns out, vagina is a pretty awesome word to say.  Over and over and over and over again.  It has been an adventure.  ;) ).

But we both have an odd little twinge when we explain how she is a girl.  Genetically, yes, she certainly seems to be female.  But, it's possible that deep inside, internally, in her brain or heart or soul, she is male.

Now, now, I know.  You were with me through talking about penises and vaginas, but this is too much, eh?  Hogwash.  Weirdness.  Liberal phooey.  A sin, even?  Not here to argue about the how's or why's of transgendered people.  Not open to debate with me and certainly not here, so let that part go.  If it pains you to read any more about this or you feel I or this is exactly what's wrong with Amuurrrica, then just back your way out of the page, okay?  No harm, no foul.

So anyway...

Sweet Pea is our child and we have no idea where her life will lead and what is truly within her heart (mind, soul, dreams, hormones, or whatever other word you want to substitute in that feels better).  She might love a single woman, a single man, one of each, a bunch of one and/or the other, might wear pink dresses, might wear blue flannel shirts, might wear pink flannel shirts and blue dresses, might have long or short hair, might be a flight attendant, might be a rocket scientist, might be a flight attendant on a rocketship, whatever.  She might even realize that she's not a girl at all, and is in fact, a boy.  Only she will truly know these things.  We will be along for wherever the ride takes us and love her, or him, all the same.  We just ask and hope that she is kind to others and that she is happy.

So when we talk to her about her body parts, I feel like maybe we shouldn't link that in with being a girl.  At least not all the time.  Maybe never.  Or at least periodically bring up the alternatives.  For example, we have said, in her Mousketeer moments, that a vulva is a girl part so it seems like she might be a girl but will be up to her to know for sure.  Often in these moments, and frequently just randomly, she will indeed describe herself as a boy and sometimes insist she has a penis.  All of this seems perfectly normal to me in toddler development as she explores her body, the bodies of others, and comes to understand her personal identity and how she fits in the world.  I.e. she might be transgendered, but I mostly think that this is just normal exploration and trying on of various roles and titles.

I think we're handling all of this fine enough.  Not really worried about what we are and aren't saying.  There are plenty of other areas of parenthood I feel I am screwing up on much more on a regular basis.  ;)  So, I'm not really "worried" about all of this, per se, but I'm still seeking input.

Again, not looking for "hell in a handbasket," "that's just weird," or even "geez, why are you worrying about something so silly?" "advice" from anyone.  I'm reaching out to anyone (else) who considers themselves gender-aware, I suppose.  Any/everyone who has given gender issues any serious thought.  How are/would you handle any of these topics?

But I'm particularly interested in hearing from my transgendered or gender-queer friends.  And their friends, i.e. feel free to pass the link here along.  What, if anything, would you have wished to have heard when you were young about your sex and your gender?  In an ideal world, if you were Sweet Pea, what would you want to hear on the subject in these very early years and then beyond?  At what age do you think it started to matter to you?

Again, we're not "worried" about the subject matter at all.  But we are always curious about and fascinated with expressions of sex and gender.  Hey, we all need hobbies.  Some people golf.  We talk about sex and gender.  And I, personally, think golf sounds weirder than any of this stuff.  ;)  So, it's mostly curiosity/interest/fascination with the subject matter, but there is also that thought of "if she is transgendered, are there things we really should or shouldn't say to make this world less frightening or cruel for her?"  Or for anyone else for that matter.  Alas, we both pretty much always felt darn comfortable with our genetic sex and with that comes privilege in this culture.  And with privilege comes ignorance at times.  We might be saying things that perpetuate a hostile culture in some fashion and have no idea.  And if we think anything is "sinful," it would be that.